Tuesday, October 21, 2014

no other way...

So, in Bali for the last 3 weeks...

Has been a little crazy and a little mixed emotions at the beginning... and it looks now that I'm finally settling down and finding my way.

I'm teaching an IDC at the moment, so that's make my day busy, doing something that I love, of course and when the afternoon comes and my day is over, I run... I run as much as I can... for an hour... but I run... is a strange feeling the need that your body build day by day for going running, go faster and further...

When I finish, I do yoga, and by the time I go home... I'm so tired... that I can just fall asleep on my bed, wondering if today I was good, for my Karma to be good... and I sleep and I dream...

And I realise that my life couldn't be any other way, because what I am today is what I'm fighting for....
And I drink my first coffee and think at the people that love me... that are the same people that I fall asleep with.
And I wonder if they are OK, and happy and i hope that today they will have a great day.

And then for a micro second, I think about the people that hurt me, is a small second... because I know they don't deserve it... because I didn't deserved been hurt on the first place.
And I sip into my coffee and light a cigarette and know that today it will be a great day.

I know why I love this island, and the more time I spend alone, the more I know that some of the things I have done, were the best decisions ever!

I lift incense to the gods to thank them to take care... and if is all in the imagination... who cares... it makes me happy to thank for an amazing day and for the incredible people that are in my life, and I even thank for the people that left my life, because they will be hurting me and making me cry and I don't want.
I cried enough already!

Life is good and beautiful, and I'm 34 and I can still run for 10km in 65 minutes... so hey!

Peace and love

Just me... no other way

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

This is...

... The party island ;-)

So they talk about Ibiza, opening parties, closing parties, every day parties during 5 months per year... and then I arrive here... and guess what... every day is a party... ok, ok, not actually A party... but YES, a ceremony. A day to give offerings, go to the temple, dress in traditional clothes, very beautiful by the way...

Yesterday I had 2 divers, to go to Tulamben. Is normally a couple of hours drive, but we left way earlier because we were taking an alternative route, through the mountains... that was actually so incredible! Ok, I wouldn't do this long way every day... but it was very nice.

There is something about Bali.

I still don't know what it is.

I have been here for nearly 2 weeks, I miss "my people" to death, miss my friends, my hairy boys.
Most of the time I'm alone.
Working alone, to prepare the IDC to make sure that everything is into place.
Alone at home.
Eating alone.
Alone, alone... but even like that, there is this strange magnetism with this island.

I just don't know why.

I'm not sure if is the diving (Am i so addicted?) or the amazing rice fields, the smell of incense everywhere, the thousands of flowers wherever you look, the kites on the beach... I really don't know what it is...
There is something.

I just want to know what it is.

I have to figure out what it is...
Or maybe I'm figuring out something else...
Who knows...

I'm here in a mission I guess... is it the right one?
I don't know, but is MY mission, and at the moment... this is what I've got: teaching (maybe that's why I'm so focus in it).

Anyway, not long now to start my IDC, not long at all... I love to be distracted from my own life by work... makes it easier...

Missing you, and you and you

Peace and love

Just me... figuring out what life is about...

Friday, October 3, 2014

Bali... inside reflexion...

So, what is going on in the life of a girl/woman that is reading a book called “No culpes al Karma de lo que te pasa por gilipollas” (“don’t blame Karma of the things that happen to you because you are stupid”).

Talking about Karma, I’m back in Bali.
After 4 years.
I always felt it was something unfinished here.

I arrived a week ago, like always, putting my life in 2 bags, 40 kilos allowed and a cabin back pack heavy like hell.

I thought it was going to be very easy to be back here, and in a way, it is.
I enjoy my work, my home and to see friends I haven’t seen for 4 years!

But is true that there is a “je ne sais quoi” in my heart…

I left Spain with a heavy teary heart, because loosing a very good dear friend is one of the hardest things have ever happened to me. So I spent around 17 hours fly crying… nice.
Of course it was the mix of emotions with saying good bye to my Family and Agus (both of my amazing supports to take on this new adventure) and my friends and a final good bye to someone very very special in my life.

So a week has gone, and still jet lag, but because I’m alone, I get a lot of time to rethink and think everything.

One of the things I realised, is that last time I was here, I did some things wrong. I didn’t meant to, but I did. I hurt people and I shouldn’t have done, and I hurt myself.
Emotionally and physically with a very bad motorbike accident: Karma? Maybe.
What I’m realising now that I’m back is that the island is giving me a second opportunity, so I’m taking Bali resolutions.
One of them is to never hurt people that love me and protect me. Love is not unconditional and you have to take care of it.
The other one, is that actually I don’t really care if you like me or not. I’m here to do my job, and to do it well…
I just don’t want stories, I don’t want to hurt and I don’t want to get hurt.
I want to wake up in the morning, teach, dive, feel it and love it.

Bali is going to be very different now for me.
I see the island with other eyes. But still an amazingly beautiful island.

It was nice to be back at Tulamben. To dive. To say hello to the wreck…

And right now is nice to be at home and write on my blog, think about life, relax…

I’m alone, and even if is hard sometimes… I don’t mind been with myself… is not that bad ;-)

Here for all, and hopefully more often… I will write some news!

Peace and love

Just me.

Friday, September 5, 2014

The beauty of a "gypsy" life

So here I am, at bernard's house... really a fantastic place to be for a gypsy like me.
This is just lovely. And guess what? I'm on Holidays!!
really! this is not a joke, is a TRUE STORY! hahahaha

Anyway, how did I end up here, in the beginning of september, where did my summer go, where i am going now... living in transit.... it could be the tittle of my life.

So I worked at Somni Blau till the 1st of August, and for some reasons that I don't want to talk about anymore... I left, actually we all left... The captain was first, follow by me, Borja and the same day Pablo sign his contract he gave his resignation letter...

But anyway, past is past.
Thank to that I started working for Scuba Ibiza. And I had so much FUN!
The team is amazing, diving all the time (forget about accounts) and I made amazing friends! So for that, I'm totally thankful.
My contract was for 1 month and they ask me to stay 15 days more... but I needed time to organise my crazy little unstable life.

I'm leaving my "totally in my heart" Island on the 19th (but I will be back soon baby) and I'm going to Madrid till the 27th... and then Bali....
My other beautiful island.

In the meanwhile, I moved with Pablo all the apartment. Is incredible the amount of stuff (shit) that a person (a few) can have.
The C2 was really a Gypsy car, going back and forward to Bernard's house while I was cleaning like a maniac.

Now I have something called TIME...
wuauuuuu sound nearly scary.
I dive, I drink coffee during hours and I prepare the IDCs for Bali... something I actually really love.

I bought a book yesterday, with the plan to read it in less than 3 days... that will prove myself that I can be sitting down... with doing nothing...

"Il dolce far niente"

I read this once and I always thought it sounded beautiful... now I have to experience it!

Monday, August 25, 2014

I'm Back!

I didn't know... but actually I have a couple of fans! ;-)

Now that it seems that I'm going to have a little more time... just a little... lets don't get to excited about it... I can be back on my "bloggers life".

It was a time when I used to write everyday nearly, with the little things of life that happened to me... guess what... I went back on facebook, and that was that... facebook... you are bad, badddd...

I still of facebook, but actually to get to write about my little adventures is way more fun!

So here I am.
Where: In Ibiza.

I was thinking about starting again on my blog Bridget Jones style

25 of August
Number of alcohol unit consume 0 (no need...yet), number of proper lunch eaten 0 (no time yet), number of sunrises seen: all of them, number of sunset seen,  all of them, jobs 3 maybe 4 I don't know anymore, number of hours working 3598 hours per day, number of people living in my house today 5 + dog + Cat... but to be honest I'm not sure because I'm never here...

And the list could go on and on and on...

So here it is for now... I'm back.
I just leave you here with this amazing text... enjoy, be happy... peace and love

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for Love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your Moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with Wildness!
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own Soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming
from the book The Invitation